it is a very sad day.

last night, my imaginary boyfriend broke up with me. the excuse was basically "i'm not ready to be in a relationship." so is there anyone else? no. which is far worse to hear than yes. why do guys think saying no is the right answer here? you're supposed to say yes, and she's tan and lovely, with big tits and a PhD in neuroscience, and she's a huge ho so there are no strings. but i'm losing out to no one?! that doesn't make me feel good. the entire bottle of wine i drank helped though. oh, i mean, the wine i shared with imaginary ex-boyfriend helped. now my head hurts. so far today i haven't left my bed except to devour countless slices of pizza. well, not really countless, 8. 8 pieces. i guess i am more sad about the possibilities that are no longer. i woke up every morning thinking of him. i did grocery shopping with his orders to buy less of "that health shit" in mind. i waited every afternoon for him to call. i spent every night crying that he never did. maybe there were signs...

me and my boy had a lazy sunday the other day. got us 13 cupcakes from magnolia bakery. we silly yo.

nah, that's too good to be true. instead, we went to the mall. both malls actually-montgomery and the national. **side note: i just got up to blow out a candle and spilled hot wax on myself and it fucking burned and i feel scarred for life. how do you do that so that it's erotic? sexy melted mutated skin. fuck yeah. guess you can tell me and the boy haven't starred in any pornos...lately** shopping sucks, so i always try to drag him with me to make it more fun. there are still a few stores that have mixed-gender unattended dressing rooms. don't know why- that's dumb of them. **it's the candle's fault my mind went that way.**

then we drove to the national mall, singing along to the new RHCP's album the whole time. it's cool that we like the same music and i'm not embarrassed to "rock out" which might seem more like having "an epileptic tone-deaf fit" in front of him.

there was a muppet exhibit at the smithsonian that we wanted to check out. he's a little younger than me, but i draw the line at those who can't fully appreciate the muppets. he passes- even knows what the dark crystal is! my first movie EVER in a movie theater- thanks dad :) those museum places always have that good gelato, so we shared some stracciatella afterward. what a great day!




*it should be noted that by "my boy" the author means her imaginary boy, who is completely invented and not even representative of a real boy. and that while it's one thing to have a conversation about the chili peppers with an imaginary being in the privacy of your own car, it is quite another to share stracciatella with no one while maintaining a one-sided conversation about remote-controlled muppets in the center of the nation's capital during high tourist season.

**it should also be noted that she would gladly commit herself to a mental institution for summer respite should anyone volunteer to foot the bill.